Marvel's Chameleon 6-Inch Action Figure
 
"Spider-Menace Sidekick Gets His Own Toy? What's Next, a Web-Shooter for Toddlers?" Listen up, folks! J. Jonah Jameson here, and I've got a bone to pick with the toy industry. As if it wasn't bad enough that they're glorifying that wall-crawling menace Spider-Man, now they're pushing action figures of his rogues' gallery!
 
And who's the latest addition to this parade of plastic ne'er-do-wells? None other than the Chameleon, that slippery shapeshifter who's been giving our boys in blue the runaround for years! Let me tell you about this so-called "Marvel Legend." The Chameleon, half-brother to that other maniac Kraven the Hunter, is nothing more than a master of deception and a dangerous criminal.
 
This sneaky reptile uses his disguise abilities to infiltrate, manipulate, and wreak havoc across our fair city. And now, Hasbro wants your kids to play with a toy version of this villain? What's next, a "Junior Jewel Thief" playset? But oh, it gets worse!
 
This 6-inch figure comes with all the bells and whistles to turn your little angels into mini-masterminds:
- 5 accessories, including alternate hands (for picking pockets, no doubt)
- Weapons accessories (because that's exactly what we want in our children's toy boxes)
- A mask accessory (teaching kids the art of deception, how lovely)
- Fully articulated body (perfect for practicing escape maneuvers)
- "Premium design" (because apparently, crime pays in the action figure world)
 
And get this - they're marketing it as part of the "Marvel Legends" line. Legends? HA! The only legend here is how they've managed to dupe parents into buying these things!
 
Now, for those of you who insist on wasting your hard-earned money on this monstrosity, here are the cold, hard facts:
- UPC: 05010996282743
- Company: Hasbro (shame on you!)
- Theme: Spider-Man (as if we needed more of him)
- Product Type: Action Figures (more like "Inaction Figures" if you ask me)
- Character: Spider-Man (guilt by association)
- Collection: Marvel Legends (more like Marvel Ledger of Villainy)
- Age: 4+ (because it's never too early to start admiring criminals)
- Country of Origin: China
 
Parents, I implore you! Don't fall for this marketing mumbo-jumbo. They're selling this as a way to "bring the excitement and wonder of the Marvel Universe to your collection." Well, let me tell you, the only thing exciting about criminals like the Chameleon is when they're finally behind bars! In conclusion, if you want my advice (and you should), stick to good old-fashioned toys that don't glorify masked vigilantes or their villainous counterparts.
 
And remember, the only action figure your kids need is one of yours truly - a model citizen fighting the good fight with nothing but a pen, paper, and an unwavering commitment to the truth! This is J. Jonah Jameson, signing off. And someone get me pictures of Spider-Man!